Illogical Concepts
by Ryourin
Summary: Near never understood how a person could, would, risk everything for another person, even his life, and he certainly never understood Matt. implied Matt/Near


_I have no clue why I'm writing Matt/Near, honestly. I don't even like Near, let alone want to write a Near-centric story, but… well. Blame my overactive mind._

_Death Note's not mine, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have to write fanfiction, duh._

_Concrit is appreciated; this was my second try at DN, so I'd like to see what people think._

Illogical Concepts

Near never understood how a person could, _would,_ risk everything for another person, even his life.

Near did never understand Matt.

Back in their old days at Wammy's, Matt spent most of his time dealing with all the trouble Mello caused. He took the blame for things he hadn't done, stood up to people Mello pissed off, handled Mello's emotional outbursts even if it left _him _bruised in the end, and he never did anything to change it.

It would've been easy enough to cut ties with Mello, even if they lived in the same orphanage; no one could force him to be friends with someone, especially if that someone was more difficult than half the other kids together and violent on top of it.

Matt never complained, and the way Near saw it, he never even desired to change the littlest things.

Near always observed everything quietly; he observed his surroundings without actually trying to fit in. He'd always been the kind of person to watch rather than to interact, and that's what he did with Matt, too.

When he sat in a corner of a room surrounded by piles of building blocks and other random toys, he saw the way Matt and Mello talked to each other, acted together, and he couldn't think of a single reason why someone as calm as Matt would want to spend his time with someone like Mello – at his costs.

Near never understood why Matt followed Mello when he ran away.

As far as Near knew, Mello was somewhere out in England doing God knows what, and Matt planned to get out and find him for a reason he couldn't figure out for the sake of it.

Near knew the concept of loyalty.

He understood the moral obligation to not let someone down who'd been of use for oneself, therefore, even though he considered himself anything but moral, he'd never been an opportunist.

Unrestricted loyalty, _devotion, _remained a mystery for him, though.

Well - Near also knew the concept of love.

He understood that a lot of people didn't have the ability to detach themselves from other human beings the way he could. They got used to a person's presence, developed some kind of affection strong enough to make them act irrationally, and in the end, were usually worse off than before.

However, love always came with a feeling of comfort, at least that's what Near thought. Otherwise it wouldn't make any sense to get attached to someone else.

Considering that Mello gave Matt the hardest times of all, the idea that Matt simply _loved_ him was out of question.

As far as Matt was concerned, Near didn't understand quite a few things, which was something he definitely wasn't used to.

It wasn't that Near was deliberately antisocial or socially inept.

He just didn't see _why_ he should bother to adopt social graces in order to get along with others.

Most things people did were irrational and didn't serve any justified purpose. In fact, people did illogical things to win others over – and nothing else.

He could've done that, he knew so much. Near wasn't incapable of feeling, too; Sometimes, he enjoyed others – Matt's – presence, but there was always a logical reason behind it.

When he was 9 years old, Mello pushed him down a hillside outside Wammy's and he fell straight into a thorned bush. He remembered that the thorns pricked into his body, drew blood all over his face and caused sharp stings in all of his limbs; a pain he couldn't really ignore.

Matt jumped up to him, pulled him out of the shrubs and pushed him down to the ground the very same moment; and when he proceeded to free him of any thorns left in his skin, he knew it was only reasonable to feel comforted by the warm fingers on his scratched face.

Warmth was generally more pleasant than pain.

When he was 11, Mello took pleasure in destroying all of his Lego buildings every single day. (Not that he didn't do that later on, but at that time, he took "destructiveness" to a whole new level.)

Needless to say, even though he knew anger wasn't a useful emotion to feel, he couldn't help but lose a little of his indifference, at least for a moment. He stared at the scattered pieces of Lego, overcome with a feeling of utter frustration, when Matt walked up to him and sat down to sort the pieces of Lego himself.

It was only a logical thing to feel satisfied, considering it would've taken more time to do it all on his own.

When he was 13, Mello left the orphanage, and he knew it was not absurd to feel irritated the way he did. Of course he knew Mello was too impulsive; a decision like this wasn't unforeseen in the least. The thing was, Near didn't feel irritated because he hadn't expected Mello to make rash decisions like this; he felt irritated because Mello's accustomed presence was gone.

When Matt silently scurried into his room the first night he had to spend without Mello, Near wasn't surprised the least. It wasn't an unusual thing to do, after all. Matt was worse off than him, considering that he had spent most of his time with Mello, and the loss of a person he was so used to must've been absolutely irritating. It was only natural he sought comfort in someone's presence he was used to as well, and of course Near couldn't deny that he felt the same, since it was logical after all.

Unknown things scared people, and maybe Near wasn't an exception to normal human impulses.

When Near was 18, he watched Matt die on a television screen.

There were a few things that he was bound to feel by logic – on top of all, the well known feeling of irritation at someone whose loyalty would go so far as to be actually shot for someone else's plan.

He _was_ irritated, he couldn't help it, but it was more because of the tiny feeling of loss somewhere down in his chest.

It was not reasonable; he never even talked much to Matt, let alone was _friends_ with him, a concept he understood, but never acted upon.

Still, a pang of conscience nagged at him like a shadow, and that alone was nonsense in itself. He wasn't responsible for Matt's death, if anyone, it would've been Mello.

Near still couldn't relate to the concept of love, of affection so strong that it killed people, even, so he could deem Matt's actions nothing but stupid - But now, he wished he could've been in Matt's place for a reason he couldn't fathom, and even though it was dumb and he _knew it_, he couldn't get rid of the thought.


End file.
